Only Stupid Men Got Married!

First of all, why men got married? There are many reasons depending who you talk to, to have childrenlah, i love this girl soooo muchlah, 'free' and safe sex lah, parents pressurelah, peers pressurelah.......and many more reasons. Whatever the reason you have for getting married is NOT worth the trouble. Dont believe be? Ask "Harimau Kayu"! He has so much money to spend until dont know how to spend but lastly still kena kow-tow to the wife!!!!!

Do you notice when you go shopping and you see those zombie-like men walking around in a women boutique....holding handbags....and every 5 minutes will try to look interested and ecstatic when the 'master' came out parading in new clothes. Poor soul!

Do you also know that women can be on 'mute mode' whenever they like or when the less intelligent men couldnt read their mind? Check out this kisah benar, scene: in the car after RM 300 dinner and after you bought her RM 800 clothes....

XY : Why no smile?
XX : .........
XY : Did i do something wrong????
XX : .........
XY : If i did then sorry lor....ok darling?
XX : ..................
XY : You dont like the dress huh?
XY : You dont like the dinner?
Xy : You dont like i looked at the waitress huh?
(by now you are gettting more trouble than 2 minutes ago)
XY : Wahlau....if you dont say , how do i know why u so angry with me.........please tell me lah.....
XX : ............................
XY : wtf...&$^$& what u want??&*&*olo..%u think u veru pretty huh$%% u dont say how the fxxx i know what u want*&%*& u think i can read your mind huh??%$#& ( yeah right, like you dare to say in front of her)

You will feel like crap the whole night, not kiss-kiss after that..........i bet your heart pressure also naik....you will try to kick her beloved cat whenever possible...no football on TV....there goes your weekend!

So ...u get what i mean? Men will never win the argument with women, men think they are superior, men think they are smarter, men think they can be CEO, be president....but they will still kowtow to women.

Obama can govern the most powerful country in the world........but still kowtow to the wife!

So u think its worth to get married?

TWO NUNS

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half

minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to attack us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical ! Thank goodness you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL : The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

:

:

:

:

:
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,
I'll pray for you!

H1N1....affects you whether you like it or not!

Be it H1N1 or not, now is a very bad time to get sick. All clinics are packed!

long...long....long....queue!If normally the good doctor will try to explain what was wrong with you, now he is only need to say "No, it is not H1N1"

or

"You need to go to GH............... NOWWWW!!'

Definitions - Part 2

Conference Room

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on

Father

A banker provided by nature

Criminal

A person no different from the rest ....except that he/she got caught

Boss

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

Politician

One who shakes your hand before elections

DOCTOR

A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Smile

A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office

A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn

The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.

A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee

Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience

The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb

An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher

A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise

H1N1 - 32 deaths but still no SOP?

NST: "The Education Ministry will issue a standard operating procedure (SOP) on closure of schools where pupils are affected by influenza A (H1N1). "

It is really shocking to hear the Deputy Minister of Education said that only now he is planning to have a SOP for schools closure!


"This is why we are calling for officers from both ministries to meet and come up with a proper guideline or SOP when calling for closure of a school where its students are affected by the H1N1 virus."



Only now that he is planning to get officers form his minister to sit down with officers from Health Minister! Why now? Why not earlier when there was no death? Why you must until 32 deaths? Why?

Where have you been all these while,Mr Minister ?

Definitions - Part 1

School
A place where Parents pay and children play

Life Insurance
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce
Future tense of Marriage.

Tears
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody b elie ves he got the biggest piece

4 things that tell a lot of things!

You can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things:

1. a rainy day,

2. the elderly,

3. lost luggage,

and

4. tangled Christmas tree lights.